This is what my everyday alter looked like before my ex-husband destroyed it all:

I finally bit the bullet and moved back in with my parents (*for anyone that doesn't know, I'm getting a divorce*) I really didn't want to have to do that, but they do happen to live in a very woodsy little neighborhood by the river. They also have an awesome wrap-around porch. I've been spending most of my time outside on that porch lately.....WAY more time than I ever would've spent outside at my old apartment! Even though my ex destroyed all of my alter stuff, I feel like much more of a pagan. (*as silly as that sounds*) I'm communing with nature way more than I have in awhile. It's great. I can find such peace sitting out there on the porch staring at the trees. I never knew.

I'm already seeing someone...hehe....one of my best friends. :) It's kinda crazy, I mean I've always loved him as a friend, but until very, very recently I had never even had a passing thought about hooking up with him. For one thing he's ten years older than me...I know! I never would've thought I'd date someone so *old*. But then again people are always shocked when he tells them how old he is...he looks and acts my age. Still, a few months ago I would've laughed my ass off if you'd told me I'd be with someone a decade older than me. Anyhow...he's everything I've ever wanted in another person. He hates sports and reads literature and likes to learn and has the same sense of humor as me. And for so long I was so cynical about this sort of thing. He actually *wants* Hillary Clinton to be the democratic nominee! He actually seems to "get" the whole feminist philosophy. He's pretty anti-macho all around...which I absolutely love in a straight guy (lol) He even notices my clothes and shoes and haircuts. Its not any kind of act I know, because he was all these things before we started dating. He's so *respectful*! I can't believe how lucky I am! How did I get so *lucky*???

I think I'm actually happy for the first time in a LONG time :)

Just because I don't want the rant post to be the latest one forever...

I've already starting decorating for Yule/Christmas. I need the festive atmosphere. :) Finally some neighbors moved in who are somewhat "like me". It's nice. They're not pagan but hey, nobody's perfect...I'm kidding... Anyway...we got cable again. I freakin love the History Channel and Comedy Central! I also got a new book about Plato. Not like a biography, just his writings and such. Very interesting.

My husband and I need to seperate, so I tried moving back in with my parents. I really didn't even think they knew I was a Druid. But dig this- they, really my mother mostly although my dad didn't say anything either way, said I would have to go to a Bible church with them and I can't set up my alter. WTF. My mother said she just thought this "Wicca thing wasn't helping me". Whatever the hell that means. She then corrected herself and said "Pagan" (I must have been giving her a look, I don't know) but I had just gotten done listening to a sermon with them where the preacher called most church-goers "Pagans looking for a country club". Don't even get me started on that....I hate it when people lump everyone who's not like them as some label. Not every "non-Christian" is a "Pagan". Just like not every "non-conservative republican" is a "liberal".

But getting back to my rant, you noticed that I said I had just gotten done listening to a sermon with them. I am not anti-Christian. I can talk to Christians about Spirituality without throwing my Druidness at them. I even defend Christians to other Pagans when the Pagans seem close- minded about it. I think there's wisdom to be found in the Bible, in fact plently of Pagans try to insult me by calling me a "Christian" because I've never stopped incorporating Jesus into my faith. So where do my parents get off acting like any of my problems have anything to do with my faith?? It's the only thing that makes me feel better about anything!

I really feel persecuted here! I decided I might as well go back and live with Chris just because I can set up my freakin' alter. I mean this really sucks. It seemed like Chris was getting it for awhile but now he wants to start going to some Bible church too. I've started going to the local UU church to try and pacify all of them, but of course it doesn't. They won't be pacified until I start calling GOD a penis-having boy. It not like I see GOD the same way they see God anyway....I don't even know if I should ever use the word Goddess because then what do I call GOD? I usually say male Gods and female Gods which makes GOD both (or neither)...but damn that's a big explanation to have to go through every time I have a casual conversation with a stranger.

I need people in my life who respect my beliefs! Unfortunately the people I have known who shared my beliefs have turned out to be assholes so I don't even know if I should be looking for people "like me". Ugh. I'm so confused and frustrated. The whole seperation thing has been put on hold too if you hadn't guessed. And I've been trying to do that for over a year now. I feel trapped :(